Lying – is it a natural human thing to do?

I’ve been reliably informed that we all lie. We who believe ourselves to be ‘good people’ may try not to, but there it is, that little white (or black) lie, creeping into our thoughts and conversations. 

We might just lie to ourselves, i.e have a pretty good opinion of ourselves for no apparent reason. Think about it – are you really that terrific person, or is it just that you see yourself bathed in the rosy glow of honesty, kindness and good deeds? If any of us really thought about it, I suspect none of us is as good (or as bad) as we think – we are human, after all, which as they say, is a rich mix of pretty much everything, good and bad.

This topic came to mind because I’ve been thinking so much of my granddaughter Matilda over the holidays. This cancer thing means no trips to the UK to see her, no trips for her to come see me. And it hurts. She is growing up so fast, and “grandma no hair”, as she now calls me, is missing a lot.

She’s talking great guns now, too. As part of that, soon her mum (aka my daughter) will be having The Talk with her. Soon, Matilda will here something like

I always want you to tell me the truth. If you tell me the truth, you won’t get in trouble.

I said the same to my daughter, my mother said the same to me. Ad infinitum.

And yet. I still lied to my mother as a child (not very well, though, as she always knew when I was lying). My daughter lied to me, rather more convincingly than I did as a child. And certainly, my darling Matilda will lie to her mother. Sorry, Peg, but it’s true, and your heart will be hurt by it.

Why? Why do they do it? There are zillions of articles that tell you why, and how to ‘fix’ it. But I found, that even if you follow all the usual good parenting advice, the little blighters will still do it! They will put that cute little look on their face, look you straight in the eye…and lie. As a parent, you feel so betrayed – even after all your Good Talks, it happens.

I don’t really understand it either, so I can’t offer any solutions. I guess my own theory is, that as children grow up, there are a whole host of reasons for lying. It may be to get away with something (like when I blamed the spilled orange juice on my sister), or it may increasingly just be a power thing. Do you remember the first time you made that big adult believe something you told them, and then getting away with it – what a power rush! Kind of like – HAH! I just knew mom wasn’t smarter than me!

In my case, I usually ended up telling the truth, and I still do. I’d like to say it was/is because I take the moral high ground, but unfortunately it’s more a case of being such a dreadful liar. Something happens in my face when I lie, such that even strangers know when I’m not telling the truth! Even as an adult, my face betrays me every time. Bummer.

Sometimes things just…WORK!

After a very frustrating week, we finally organised an appointment for me at a clinic on the coast. This involved getting the recommendation from our doctor, getting authorisation from our insurance company, and finally, getting an appointment at the clinic!

What could be easier, right? Well, it seemed not. The authorisation was slow in coming. My appointment could not be arranged because the phone system was down in the radiology department (say what???). By the end of Wednesday, we thought that the week was a washout.

Our darling Matilda (photo by kent@imagenary.co.uk)

Much to my surprise, the clinic actually did call me back to arrange an appointment! How seldom that happens these days, that people call you back when they say they will – why is that?

So yesterday, we toddled off to the clinic (an hour and a half toddle!). Again, to my surprise, when we arrived, my authorisation had come through, and had been forwarded to the clinic for me, thanks to Victoria from Sanitas health insurance company. The appointments for all my tests were one after the other, so by lunchtime, we were done and dusted!

Sometimes things really do work out! To celebrate, I thought I’d post a photo of our darling little granddaughter.

On mothers…

It’s Mother’s Day in Europe, or as the English often call it, “Mothering Sunday”. That always makes me laugh – are other days not for mothering, just the one? As if.

Today, I’ve read all sorts of tributes to mothers, articles about mothers, poems to mothers, seen pictures of mothers. I may be cynical, but it has always amused me to have one day to ‘be nice to your mother’ and give her cards, flowers, take her to lunch or whatever.

Although my lovely daughter religiously sends me a card (and now, so does the darling M), it’s never been a big day for me. For awhile, I thought it was because American mother’s day is in May, so the ‘other one’ in March was not that big a deal.

I’ve decided, however, that is not the case. I never really thought that being A Mother was a big deal, or even my only role in life. It’s a big responsibility, sure, and is not easy, but as pregnancy comes naturally and easily (and unexpectedly, sometimes) to most women, how feted should it really be as an achievement? Am I the only one who thinks since reproduction is an animal imperative, it’s not the be all and end all?

I don’t know about mothers and sons, as I don’t have a son, but mothers and daughters often have quite a fraught relationship. I’m not sure why this is, exactly. I thought that perhaps as I knew the pitfalls and problems of being female, I should try hard to make sure my own daughter could manoeuvre her way through to womanhood with fewer problems than I did. I think my mother tried to do the same, with about as much success as I did! Children very seldom learn from their parents’ experiences, and certainly daughters don’t want to, and usually refuse to, listen to their mothers. It’s normal and natural, and I didn’t hold it against her.

However, while raising my daughter, it consoled me to know that one day she would realise I was smarter than she thought. I think it was when I was about 22 for me – I realised all of a sudden how smart my mother had become. However did that happen? 🙂

So on this day, as on every other day, I think of my mother and wish she was here for me to hug. I think of my daughter, who now has a daughter of her own, and wish her good luck on the rocky path of motherhood!

Four generations of Larson women

My mom holding my daughter Peggy

Me holding granddaughter Matilda